The red he anticipated
by Kai's kitty
Summary: A push and pull so bittersweet that it was maddening. Takasugi/Katsura (Angst)


Hello all! I am back from the dead (though not in the same fandom) but still …

This is my first Gintama fan fic. So, I am sorry if it sucks. Either way, I hope you enjoy it.

**A/N**: This a gift to my dear friend; ExtinctionOfReality

**Disclaimer:** Gintama doesn't belong to me.

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**The red he anticipated**

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It was not every day that someone disturbed Takasugi's private chambers without permission or even knocking. But as the door was opened silently, Takasugi knew that he was in for it yet again. He certainly was not fond of these nightly visits which happened time to time. He continued to sit impassively, softly blowing his pipe as the slow cat-like steps made their way towards him.

"What trick did you pull this time?" He asked in a tone that supposed to be neutral but underneath the calm voice it was apparent that he was not pleased at all.

The visitor laughed. "Nothing complicated really. Apparently your crew can not tell the difference between a man and a woman." And as the silver moon gingerly appeared from under the thick clouds, it revealed a tall graceful form in a soft silk kimono.

"They are not _that _stupid to be unable to tell the difference between a friend and foe. What have you done THIS time? "Hissed Takasugi.

The man shrugged as he sat at Takasugi's feet and leaned his head softly against the other's legs. Takasugi ignored the small gesture of affection as he continued to stare in to the nothingness out of the window; waiting for an answer.

"I just told them I am here as Takasugi-sama's guest for a very private conversation."

"And those idiots believed you?!" Takasugi could not believe his ears. If things continued that way, he would not be surprised one bit if the Shinsengumi took over the ship in less than a minute.

He gave the man a warning glare. A VERY dangerous one. "I cannot blame them. You have styled your hair far better than a woman in Yoshiwara." He was surprised to see the other man unaffected by his supposedly insult. "Really?" I thought have messed it up but to hear that compliment… "

"Don't even start with me Katsura. State your business and leave quickly; before I slash that pretty neck of yours. "Takasugi's voice was way calmer now. But Katsura knew that he was using THE voice. The calmer the ocean was the more horrible would be the storm afterwards. Takasugi was never the best choice for a bit of teasing; especially now that he was smiling so sweetly at him that it looked like a terrible crack on a beautiful portrait. Pity.

He slowly undid his shiny golden hair pin, allowing his hair to fall upon his shoulders like soft silk strands, just as soft as his kimono was. "Is it better now? " He asked gently but Takasugi didn't miss the warning which was laid under that gentle tone. He knew better than anyone else that Katsura's sword skills were on par with his own if not higher and it was beyond him how Katsura could issue a warning so gently; almost as polite and gentle as a gentleman courting a lady. Well may be a lady courting a gentleman but it didn't matter any way.

"Yes. At least now I can tell the difference between you and a Yoshiwara woman." He blew his pipe and leaned against the window more comfortably; amusement dancing in his single eye as he ran his fingers through Katsura's lustrous hair slowly. "You DO realize that I will kill you if you've come here just on a whim?" He stated off-handedly as he tilted his head. If Katsura didn't know better he would have thought he is talking to a maniac. Well, not that he himself was much better.

"Are you a lunatic? It's true that I am a wanted man but I DO value my life enough to not do anything suicidal." He replied.

Takasugi seemed thoughtful though. "Lunatic, huh? And I always kept wondering why you only appear on lunar nights."

Katsura would have rolled his eyes if he was not so busy pulling the hem of his kimono, trying to keep it in place. It had fallen and his shoulder was now bare; the creamy skin shining lucidly under the moonlight. Takasugi kept watching him struggling with his kimono in silent amusement. "You really don't have to put these things on if it is this hard for you. "

Katsura looked at him warily before giving a shrug. "You try and see if it is easy while having some one's fixed gaze upon you or not. "

"You sound like a virgin who is about to strip for his husband."

"As if you would make a husband for any one." Snapped the long-haired man.

"Just leave it as it is. If you struggle that much you would probably end up naked." He said as he ignored Katsura's glare. He handed a shamisen to him gracefully and while sitting back, he whispered: "I am listening. What business you have with me? "

Katsura pressed his lips together. He slowly got up and walked to the center of the room, shamisen in hand. As he sat gracefully, his skilled fingers ran through the strings and when the sad melody filled the room, He felt Takasugi's lingering gaze upon him. He paid no mind. He didn't stop. He played on; filling the half-shadowed room with soft melancholy, with emotions that were locked up so deep that could have burst any time. He kept humming silently, his red painted lips trembling with nostalgia, almost as he was whispering a prayer. It was so sad. So sad and yet beautiful.

Takasugi puffed another blow, this time forcefully torn between anger, agitation and sadness. "So?" He asked harshly; cutting off the music somehow rudely.

Katsura arched an elegant eye-brow. "I just stated my business. I stated it in the way you wanted me to do. My business is you Takasugi; whether you like it or not."

Takasugi's smirk was foreign on his face. "Oh? I thought you and that perm-head hate me."

"That is why you are our business. That you are MY business. "

This time Takasugi gave a very small smile. Even if they were not in a same side, it still felt good to have Katsura beside him, talking to him, looking at him….just to remember that the good old days were not just a beautiful mirage.

"Then I guess that makes you my business too." He stated simply, uncaringly as he walked a step close and sat beside the long-haired man, staring straightly in to the deep olive eyes.

Katsura blinked as his face was cupped between long sculpted fingers. "So, here is no place for you. You know that I can kill you any minute. You need to leave soon. Now turn around. You have made a mess out of your hair. Let me brush it for you before you go. "Takasugi's breath lingered on Katsura's lips for less than a second before the long-haired man turned around slowly.

Takasugi picked up the fallen hair pin on which had a comb attached. He bit his lips before running the comb gently through the other man's soft hair. The languid feeling merged with his heart; with those angry feelings and unstoppable hurt and it was unbearable. Like a merciless rush of a terrible flood. He bit his lips even harder as he placed a hand against Katsura's chest and pulled him close in a sudden movement, trying to feel the other man's heartbeat. Trying to find a little sign if that hot flood also existed in Katsura. What he found though was a monotone heartbeat and he smiled humorlessly.

"Zura, your heart is frozen. "

"It is Katsura." The other man corrected him steadily but didn't deny Takasugi's statement. "Boredom is a bitch. "Was all that he said.

In the old days Takasugi would have believed him, but not now. He knew how thin the ice blanket which was covering Katsura's heart was. He knew just one crack was all it took to break the ice. But if he wanted to be painfully honest with himself, he didn't want to awaken it. He didn't want to look at the perfect combination dance of swords he had with that perm-head; like they were bounded, like they were one. It was not a good idea to merge a white demon and a sliver icy heart together.

"NEVER EVER" Takasugi's hold on the comb tightened.

"Ouch…." He had pulled Katsura's hair harsher than he meant to and the irony was he wasn't sorry at all. Not one bit. "Here…all done. Now you can leave. "

Katsura started to style his hair again when Takasugi called him out. "Wait…I have forgotten something." He said as he handed him a cup of sake. "Who is the Yoshiwara woman now I wonder?" Katsura's smile was evident in his voice.

"Yoshiwara woman or not, it is not every day that I pour sake for someone. So you better be grateful and drink it." Takasugi's voice was emotionless and cold although his eye seemed to shine a bit sicklier than before.

Katsura sipped his sake; eyes liquefied and expression thoughtful. "Hey, would you mind getting that basin over there?" He murmured to Takasugi softly.

The single-eyed man blinked at him as he took one more sip from his cup. "What? Why? It is just a basin of water in which I usually wash my hands and face." He shrugged.

"That's why I want it." Katsura persisted.

Takasugi sighed as he gave in. Setting his cup aside he walked over the corner of the room and got the basin before placing it in front of Katsura.

"I hope you have a good reason for this. You have not forgotten that you are still at my mercy, have you?" He slowly sat close to the window again. "Your feet are dirty." Katsura whispered gently.

"Wha….?"

Katsura cut the other man off. "Because you've been walking on a ground of bloodshed from the last time we met. Again. "He said simply as he placed one of Takasugi's feet in to the cool water, massaging it in caress-like movements softly; feather-light and caring. As he was starting to do the same thing to the other foot, Takasugi tried to pull away but Katsura's death grip didn't let him.

"Stop being such a dolt! Are you trying to humiliate me?!" Hissed the single-eyed man, looking so mad that it was terrifying.

"No." Katsura pushed the basin away and slowly leaned down. "I am just trying to calm up the angry swirl of emotions in your heart. Even if it is just a little. Even if it is just for one night." He stated and he took Takasugi's feet in to his hands one by one, drying them softly with his soft expensive silk kimono. "Stop that…." Takasugi hissed again. "You are ruining your kimono!"

"It doesn't matter."

The candles were burning out slowly and Takasugi leaned back, chest heaving both by anger and something foreign that he totally blamed it on Katsura.

"There is no use to lock all those pent up emotions. They are eating you from inside."

"What DO you know? What CAN you know? It is easy for a coward like you to say these; for a man who is just a cross-dresser clown. What DO you know?"

Katsura gritted his teeth together like he had been slapped but he didn't back off. "A cross-dressing clown? I would prefer that to be considered a crazy mass-murderer. How dare you say in to my face that I don't feel anything? That I don't know anything? "He shouted and Takasugi winced. Almost.

Katsura's newly combed silky hair was flying around in a wild rush of movements as he stood up and rounded on Takasugi angrily. "Don't you dare to say those in my face again Takasugi. If you do, then that pretty neck of yours is the one which is going to be slain." He spat darkly; voice barely sounding like his own.

"Ah yes? Then slay me. It won't change the fact that you and that perm are both cowards; emotionless cowards."

Takasugi couldn't hold back any more. Not anymore. The flood in his heart has gotten too merciless and disturbed for him to hold it back and he didn't even try. It was either shouting his frustration at his ex-friend or killing him on spot. A balanced harmony was not an option.

But Katsura was faster. His sword was on Takasugi's neck in less than a blink of an eye; eyes dangerous and blazing. "Go on. Say it. That Gintoki and I are cowards and I won't hesitate to cut your head off."

"I wonder…." Was Takasugi's reply as his own sword was held firmly against Katsura's heart. "You think that you can soothe the pain in me with your presence, with appearing time to time but even you yourself know it that you are making it worse. Don't you understand? I WANT to feel this relentless anger. I WANT to see the blood of those who I consider guilty on my hands. I WANT it. It is simple Katsura. I WANT it."

Katsura's hands trembled as he lowered his sword. "That is why your feet are all dirty. You are walking a path full of blood." He said as he hid his sword under his kimono again. Takasugi smirked; putting his sword aside. "Then guess what? You have to wash that pretty hair of yours properly cause my hands are much more bloodied than my feet. "

Katsura ignored his comment. "I have to go." He started to re-do his kimono. "No need to see me off. I know the way. "He continued gruffly. He was starting to style his hair so he could leave as fast as he could but suddenly his wrist was captured in Takasugi's iron grip.

"You didn't state your business Katsura."

"I did."Katsura's tone was sharp.

"Those rubbish are not even worth half minute of my time. "

"Then use the other half."

Takasugi narrowed his eyes and leaned close to the other man; His warm breath lingering on his cheek. He put a finger slowly on Katsura's lips. "You really should stop using this red lip paint. It makes you look like _a real _Yoshiwara woman." He said and licked the corner of Katsura's lips languidly. "Not to mention it is my favorite color. So bloody red."

Katsura broke free from his grip. "I guess I'll use another color then when needed." He bit back. His patience and gentleness were obviously running thin.

"hmmm… good then. Let your hair down on your way out; to let people know that Takasugi-sama's VERY important conversation has been settled successfully."

"Are you mad? "

"May be."

And as Katsura slid out of the room soundlessly with his hair down, Takasugi continued to stare after him. "Of course I am mad. Everybody knows. Why don't you believe them Zura? Why don't you believe me?" He murmured softly. He stared at the forgotten shamisen and then at his freshly washed feet. "Yes, I am mad. You have to stop coming here before I am consumed by those blood red lips of yours and madly murder you…slay you..." Was all he could think of while smoking his pipe softly again.

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I hope the characters were not too OC or something. To me Katsura is a way more complicated character and as for Takasugi…I hope I have portrayed him well enough.

Thank you very much for reading.

Feedback is always welcomed.


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